Worth Dying For
by Edie Zee
Summary: After Maid Marian's appearance in Storybrooke, Regina takes a memory potion to forget her feelings for Robin Hood…or at least, that's what everyone thinks…
1. Chapter 1

**Title:**** Worth Dying For  
><strong>**Author: Edie Zee****  
><strong>**Pairing(s)/Character(s): Robin/ Regina, Robin/Marian, Regina/ Dr. Whale****  
><strong>**Rating: PG-13****  
><strong>**Spoilers:**** spoilers up to "There's No Place Like Home"  
><strong>**Disclaimers: I don't own anything. ****  
><strong>**Summary: After Maid Marian's appearance in Storybrooke, Regina takes a memory potion to forget her feelings for Robin Hood…or at least, that's what everyone thinks…**

**Note**: The title comes from _Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. _Azeem asks Robin, "Is she worth it?" and the title is how Robin responds.

**Chapter One**

Regina stood at the window of her office, staring into space. While it was reminiscent of how she felt before the curse was broken, the loss and pain she felt now was not related to Daniel at all – something she would never have thought possible even a short time ago. Her heart was breaking now for a different man, and there was no curse or magic that could help her.

Once again, she had been defeated by true love.

The sight of Robin, Roland and Marian embracing at Granny's last night was playing over and over in her mind, causing a stab of grief in her heart each time she remembered it. Regina clenched her fists, pushing down the anger that had so long been intertwined with grief. This couldn't be like after Daniel. She wouldn't go back to being the Evil Queen. Just because she lost the man she loved – _again – _she wouldn't allow herself to succumb to the darkness again. She had Henry to think of.

A son's love would have to be enough.

She briefly wondered what the others were saying about her right now. They may have been friendlier lately, but somehow she couldn't imagine that Mary Margaret and Emma wouldn't find some sort of enjoyment out of the fact that Regina had lost her chance at happiness. Karma, and all that. The slight gloating would be mixed with pity, she was sure of that, and that pity would be even harder to stomach than the acknowledgement that she was only getting what she deserved.

Despite that, she'd rather see them than Robin right now. In a way, she never wanted to see Robin again. Regina could picture it now: he would be gallant and nobly apologetic, explaining to her how he didn't want to hurt her, how he would always _care_ for her… even as he never quite said but obviously implied that they could no longer be together.

And obviously, they couldn't. Regina understood that. Marian was his _wife_. She couldn't even blame him.

But, strangely, at the same time, she longed to see him. Even if she couldn't _have _him, she couldn't not have him in her life either. She couldn't lose him completely. Maybe…just maybe…seeing him happy would help ease her own pain.

A throat cleared behind Regina, and she didn't even have to turn around to know it was him. She could feel him, in a way that went beyond magic. Steeling herself to not be affected by the surreal mix of grief and desire, she took a deep breath and turned to face him. This moment would have happened sooner or later, so she may as well get it over with.

Their eyes met and held, with the sudden silence making Regina wonder briefly if a spell had been cast to stop time. Robin broke the spell by dropping his gaze, and she felt a momentary surge of spite at his obvious discomfort. She may not blame him for leaving her for his wife, but she couldn't help but enjoy the fact that he felt guilty about it. Anything that showed that he still cared…even a little…

"Regina…" Robin was clearly at a loss for words. Regina couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes again, afraid that she would see pity there too. Pity from Mary Margaret and Emma…that would be horrible enough, but she would _not_ allow him to pity her too. That would be unbearable.

"I am very happy for you and Roland, Robin," Regina spoke up to fill the uncomfortable silence. She was somewhat shocked at how sincere she sounded, but was even more shocked when she realized she actually was sincere. Underneath her own pain and grief, underneath her anger, she was happy for him. Having lost Daniel – and now Robin – she knew the hole that was left behind by the loss of true love. She could only imagine what it would be like to get a real shot at a second chance, and she would never deny that to Robin.

And that is what she would have to draw on to find the strength she would need to go on without him.

"I…I," Robin started again, holding out his hands to his sides. "Regina, I don't know what…"

Regina moved swiftly to stand behind her desk, seeking the symbolic protection of putting a barrier between them.

"Regina, you have to know," Robin sighed, rubbing his brow with his hand. "This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. Marian…I…Regina, I lo-"

Love her? Love you? Regina could not hear how that sentence ended, not knowing which version would be the most painful to hear. She interrupted him before he could finish it.

"Please, Robin. Let's not make this any more difficult than it needs to be." She took another deep breath. "I have a potion that can make us forget. Perhaps that would be the best for everyone."

Robin was so silent for so long that Regina finally had to look up at him again. She fell into the depths of his eyes, but she was unable to – or maybe unwilling to – read the emotions swirling inside them. Now it was her turn to clear her throat and drop the eye contact. Confusion and pain clutched at her heart, and she almost wanted to pull it out of her chest again so that she didn't have to feel it – but she no longer had anyone to give it to for safekeeping…

"No." Robin finally said firmly – almost angrily. "No, I don't want to forget."

Regina wouldn't let herself even think about what that meant.

But she would let herself think about the fact that this was the most painful, uncomfortable conversation she had ever had in her life. And it wouldn't be the last time. Every time she saw him, he would treat her this way – as if she was some sort of fragile flower who he had to handle with kid gloves. Eventually he would begin to resent her for preventing him from truly feeling happy again with Marian. He wouldn't be able to move on completely, always wondering whether his relationship was causing Regina pain. That was the very last thing she wanted. If she was going to lose him, then she was going to make sure he wasn't held back by some misguided, stupidly chivalrous notion that he had to protect her.

She was the Evil Queen, after all. No man had to protect her!

"That is your choice, Robin, but I choose differently." The words were out of Regina's mouth before she could even register them. As if it was someone else's body, she turned to the table behind her desk and reached out toward the bottles of potions. She regained control of her wits and her body at the last moment, purposefully reaching for a specific bottle and pouring a shot of the liquid into a tumbler.

"Regina!" Robin shouted, but it was too late. She downed the liquid in one gulp.

A moment later, Regina shook her head, set the glass back on the table, and turned around. Robin was staring at her, his face drawn and distraught.

"Robin Hood," Regina drawled, a bit of the Evil Queen's venom dripping in her voice. "And what can I do for you today?"

Robin hesitated for a second, then visibly deflated. "Nothing. I…I'm _sorry_." He turned on his heel and left the office. He left so quickly that he didn't even see the flash of pain that crossed Regina's face at his words.

As soon as he was gone, Regina dropped heavily into her chair, burying her face in her hands. _I don't want to forget_, Robin had said. And at the very last minute, Regina had decided that she didn't want to forget either. She had lost him – she couldn't lose her memories of him too. The potion she had drunk was ultimately harmless, but it had done his job. He would never know that she remembered. He wouldn't have to worry about her hurt feelings, and she wouldn't have to worry about putting up with everyone's pity…with _his_ pity especially. They could all go on as if it never happened.

To think that _not_ using magic could be the solution to all her problems…


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:**** Worth Dying For  
><strong>**Author: Edie Zee****  
><strong>**Pairing(s)/Character(s): Robin/ Regina, Robin/Marian, Regina/ Dr. Whale****  
><strong>**Rating: PG-13****  
><strong>**Spoilers:**** up to "There's No Place Like Home"  
><strong>**Disclaimers: I don't own anything. ****  
><strong>**Summary: After Maid Marian's appearance in Storybrooke, Regina takes a memory potion to forget her feelings for Robin Hood…or at least, that's what everyone thinks…**

**Chapter Two**

Robin stood slightly away from camp, trying to get his emotions under control before joining his family and men. He had wandered around town for a long time after leaving Regina's office. Before entering the forest, he quickly and stoically told Emma what had happened with the potion, knowing that the others should be aware of it but still finding it difficult to accept it as true.

Now, at the camp, Marian and Roland waited for him, and he knew that that should inspire the most amazing feeling ever. Marian. His Marian was _back_. They had a chance to live the life that was stolen from them…by Regina.

And yet, he couldn't get thoughts of Regina out of his head. The way she had fought with him and frustrated him; the way she made him want to protect her even when it was quite clear that she didn't need anyone to rescue her; the way she had sparked something in him that had been dormant for so long.

The way she had just looked at him as if she didn't even know him.

When he realized – too late – that she was about to drink the memory potion, a stab of panic had coursed through him and he was still feeling the aftereffects. Obviously they could no longer be together now that Marian was back…he shouldn't even _want_ to be with her anymore now that Marian was back. But the thought of losing her – of actually losing her – was something that he had never wanted. And now he had lost her; everything that made her the woman he loves…loved… had been wiped away with one quick swallow.

And now he had to go to his family and act like everything was alright.

Taking a deep breath, Robin walked toward his family with a smile on his face and laughed as Roland launched himself off the ground where he was playing and into Robin's arms. The boy pulled him down to show him the toy he had been playing with, and Robin glanced up at Marian, who was sitting on a nearby log and smiling at both of them. Robin quickly smiled back then moved his attention back to his son, hoping that his wife didn't notice how his smile didn't quite have the warmth it once would have had.

Guilt throbbed in Robin's heart. He shouldn't be thinking this way. Marian was his wife. And Regina had made it possible for the two of them to have a quick, clean break. He owed it to both of them to take advantage of that – to forget about Regina as if their time together was just a dream, to build a new life with Marian as if she had never been taken from them. Regina had sacrificed her memories for this to happen, and the least he could do was try to forget his own memories.

* * *

><p>Robin eased Roland's blanket over him, trying to not wake up the boy who had just fallen asleep after struggling to stay awake for much longer than he should have. Roland was clearly afraid that Marian would disappear on him again if he didn't spend every moment with her. A small part of Robin was happy to indulge Roland with this, as it drastically cut down on the time that he and Marian were alone. Not that he didn't want to spend time with his wife; it was just…awkward.<p>

There was no avoiding it now though. Robin lowered himself onto the log next to Marian. The firelight flickered enough to allow them to still see each other. She shifted to lean her head against his shoulder. For Robin, it was a very surreal moment to have Marian in Storybrooke. His two lives were colliding.

He must have tensed up without even realizing it, as Marian sat back up straight again. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a little while, and Robin felt like he should say something – anything – to break it. But his mind was blank.

"I know this is hard for both of us," Marian finally said. "It's been so long…"

Robin cleared his throat, but still had no idea what to say.

"It would be silly for either of us to think we can slip right back into what we used to have…but I have to know…is there someone else in your life that I should worry about?"

"No!" Robin shouted, immediately berating himself internally for both the overreaction and the outright lie.

Marian half-turned to look at him. "I wouldn't blame you if there was. You thought I was dead. I just…it's just something that I had to ask."

"No," Robin said a little more calmly now. "I mean…there was. For a while. But she's not in my life anymore. You don't have to worry about it."

Marian sat quietly for a little while, staring into Robin's eyes. He wanted to look away guiltily, but he forced himself to return her stare. Would she ask him who the woman was? Would he be able to tell her if she did? The fact that the only other woman he had ever loved was the same woman who had killed Marian – even if neither of them had known it at the time – was a thousand times worse of a betrayal of his marriage vows than it would have been to fall in love with anyone else.

But yet, he couldn't hate Regina for it. She wasn't the same woman who had killed Marian, and he wouldn't let Marian make him feel bad about being with her. What he had had with Regina was separate from his relationship with Marian…

So he was relieved when she didn't ask who it was he had been involved with. Instead she leaned up, kissed his cheek, and went to lay down near Roland to sleep. Robin – just as he had done the night before – stretched out as far away from her as he could without being obvious about it. He stared up at the stars, waiting for sleep to come and rescue him from his thoughts.

* * *

><p>Regina sat in the back booth at Granny's, stirring her hot chocolate until it cooled down a little. The diner was almost empty, and Regina preferred it that way – she was free from prying eyes and whispered gossip. After Robin had left her office earlier that morning, she had avoided everyone else, but the thought of going home alone was too much to bear.<p>

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Henry plopping down in the opposite seat. "Hi, Mom!"

"Henry," she smiled at him, grateful for the fact that she still had him in her life at least. What she felt for him was true love, after all. But she _was_ his mother so couldn't help but ask: "It's a little late for you to be out, isn't it?"

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "I would be at home getting ready for bed, but no one can sleep when Neal is awake!"

Regina smiled, reminiscing about Henry's crying when he was a baby. A pang went through her heart, and she suppressed the thought of more babies. That was no longer an option.

"So…how's it going with you, Mom?" His tone was odd, and Regina glanced up sharply. She was pretty sure from what little gossip she had overheard that Robin had told Emma who had then told…well, everyone…that she had taken a forgetting potion. While she would normally be upset by the thought of people knowing so much about her personal life, she was grateful that they knew not to say anything to her about what she supposedly no longer remembered. It was clear that Henry had also heard about her drinking the potion, and this would be her first and greatest test. If Henry – the person who knew her best – couldn't tell that she still remembered, then no one else would be able to do so either.

"Eh…it's been a boring day. You'd think that a fake town wouldn't require that much work on the part of the mayor, but there's still a surprising amount of paperwork that needs to be done." They shared a laugh, and she slid her mug across the table toward him so he could take a sip. He took a drink, swallowed, and put the mug back down. He avoided her eyes for a moment, giving Regina all the warning she needed that some sort of fishing comment would be coming next.

"You know what they say about all work and no play, Mom! Have you thought about…dating anyone?" Regina had to suppress another smile at the thought that Henry was so _bad_ at this. If she didn't have to pretend to not know what he was talking about, she would have used this opportunity to teach him a thing or two about guile. Thinking about that was enough to keep her mind off the fact that the person she wanted to date wasn't available.

"Somehow I don't think there are that many people in town who would want to date the Evil Queen," Regina said, intending for it to be a joke, but it fell flat.

"Don't say that, Mom. You never know. There might be someone out there for you. I don't believe that people only get one chance at love. Some people might even get more than, say, two chances. Just because you don't get your first…or even your second…choice, that doesn't mean you should give up. You deserve to be happy, Mom!"

Regina glanced down so that Henry wouldn't see the tears that had sprung to her eyes. For the first time all day, she wasn't upset about Robin – instead she was touched by Henry's love for her. She knew more than anyone that she didn't deserve happiness, but knowing that _he_ thought she did made up for the fact that she would never get to have what would make her happy.

Well, almost made up for it.

When she got her emotions back in check, she finished off the hot chocolate and stood up. "Come on, Henry, you can sleep at my house tonight – no crying babies there." _And then I won't have to be alone either…_, she thought

They walked out of the diner together, her hand on his shoulder.

* * *

><p>The streets of Storybrooke were quiet and dark, almost as if the town were abandoned. A lone figure hurried down the street. Prince Thomas was hurrying home from his father's house, anxious to see Cinderella and their baby after a long day. The wind picked up, and the streetlight flickered just as Prince Thomas walked under it. He hesitated for a second, looking up.<p>

And then he disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

It was hard for Regina to believe that a week had passed. An impossibly long and painful one, but ultimately just a week. Fortunately, Emma's trouble magnet appeared to not be working, as no life-threatening emergencies had conspired to force Regina and Robin to see each other, but he was never far from her thoughts.

At the moment, she was back at Granny's for breakfast, still unwilling to spend too much time alone in her big, empty house. In the same back booth she had shared with Henry, Regina watched the crowd without actually registering anything that she saw. Ruby set her plate down in front of her, snapping her out of her reverie.

"Thank you," Regina said, but the words died on her lips when she saw the door open to let Robin, Marian and Roland enter. Her heart simultaneously dropped and sped up, and she was sure that her face was a deep red blush. Quickly remembering that she wasn't supposed to have any kind of feelings for Robin, Regina took a deep breath, smiled at Ruby, and started eating her breakfast – studiously avoiding looking up at _anyone_ in the crowd.

She couldn't taste anything that she was putting in her mouth, and it was so difficult to swallow around the lump in her throat that she thought she would choke. She forced herself to slow down – she had to keep up the charade. After all, the icy Evil Queen would not let anything interrupt a leisurely breakfast. Over the din of the crowded diner, Marian's laugh pierced her heart. Regina risked a quick glance over to their table to see Marian tickling a squirming Roland while Robin watched with a grin on his face. His happiness hurt her, but at the same time, it made all of this seem somehow worth it. She couldn't help but feel that watching them together was the penance she deserved for everything she had done, but in a way, it was also her redemption.

Robin glanced over at her and their eyes met for a split second before Regina looked down. She chided herself for doing so, as he might wonder not only at why she had been looking at them but also why she had seemed uncomfortable at being caught. Despite that, she felt her heart racing as she thought about the odd look in his bright eyes. The spark in them was so familiar from their time together, and it seemed like it was truly for her – not some residual spark from looking at Marian. Did he…could he…still have some feelings for her? A small smile came unbidden to her lips.

Regina mentally kicked herself. She couldn't allow herself to think like that. Even if by some small chance he did have some leftover feelings for her, nothing could come from that. Obviously. And as far as he knew, she didn't have any leftover feelings for him – or memories for that matter. She couldn't be that stupid again. Anything that might hint to him that her memories were still intact would only cause more problems for all of them. She had to be stronger…

"Mind if I join you?"

Regina's head rocked back in shock. Of all the people who could have asked her that question, Dr. Whale was the last one she would have expected. They weren't exactly…friendly.

But curiosity got the better of her – and it gave her something to focus on instead of the tender family portrait across the room.

"If you must," she said, leaning forward in her seat. The thought of verbally sparring with him actually gave her a little bit of a thrill, almost like it was the old days.

Dr. Whale slid into the booth, a charming smile gracing his lips. "And how is our lovely mayor today?"

"Well, I haven't had to curse anybody lately, so…" He chuckled in response, moving to mirror her position by leaning across the table toward her.

"And how are you _really _doing with…" he hesitated, then ever so slightly moved his head to indicate Robin and his family, "_everything_?"

Regina's mouth dropped for a split second before she caught herself and quickly closed it. She glanced quickly around, confirming that no one else was paying attention to their conversation. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." Her voice was tense – and clearly lying. How did he know?

Dr. Whale smirked. "Has anybody ever told you that you wear your emotions on your sleeve?"

Regina couldn't help but spare a moment to appreciate the irony that Dr. Whale – arguably the most self-absorbed man in town – appeared to be the only person who was able to pick up on her ruse. She thought briefly about continuing to deny it, but she couldn't be sure of what he would do if she did so.

"I am doing as well as could be expected," she said brusquely. "And I would _greatly appreciate_ it if you – "

Whale waved his hand. "Your secret is safe with me. And believe me, I know a thing or two about keeping secrets."

"I would imagine you do," Regina smirked, then leaned backward against the booth. Not having to lie to someone – even if that someone was Dr. Whale – lifted a weight off her shoulders. She felt like she could truly relax for the first time in a week.

Until Marian's laughter once again pierced her heart. Regina couldn't help wincing, and she dropped her eyes from Dr. Whale's. A part of her longed for the days when she was truly the Evil Queen; this whole having feelings thing was overrated…and embarrassing.

"You know….I could help you," Dr. Whale's voice had a sly ring to it, which was enough to make Regina look up again – this time, with curiosity.

"Help….with what?"

"With that. With…getting revenge."

Regina furrowed her brow. "Against whom? Marian? Nothing that has happened is her fault. Nor is it Robin's. And Henry would never forgive me if I lashed back against Emma for her _utter _stupidity." Regina shook her head and reached out for her coffee cup. "No, revenge is no longer my thing. It's caused me enough problems."

Dr. Whale shrugged, but the half-smile never left his face. "Maybe revenge was the wrong word. Maybe what I really mean is I can help you recover some pride. Save face, if you will."

Regina hesitated, pretty sure she understood Dr. Whale's meaning but not sure if she wanted to.

"He has someone in his life. Why shouldn't you?" Now that Dr. Whale actually stated his intentions, there was no going back. Regina was torn – should she laugh in his face or slap it?

Or should she take him up on his offer?

The evil, vindictive part of her longed to make Robin feel even a smidgen of the jealousy that tore at her every day.

The insecure part of her wondered if he even would feel jealousy, or if he no longer cared now that his family was intact.

Her self-respect roared at the idea of even contemplating a relationship with Dr. Whale.

The part of her that was still in love with Robin – the part of her that would _always_ be in love with Robin – didn't want to make him feel any kind of pain.

The lonely part of her just wanted to be near someone – anyone – around whom she didn't have to pretend.

Her eyes involuntarily glanced over to Robin again. This time, fortunately, he didn't catch her in the act, as he was focused on his son. The pang that stabbed at Regina's heart was almost enough to make her cry out in pain. She and Robin and Roland…they had been on their way to becoming a family. For the first time in so long, she had seen a future that was full of love and happiness.

And it had been torn away from her. Again.

Regina looked back at Dr. Whale, who was bemusedly watching her weigh his offer. Regina knew she would never have another love. She was lucky to get a second chance; she would not get a third.

But that didn't mean she had to be alone forever. Dr. Whale was…attractive enough. And, well, if there was even a chance that Robin felt a little bit of jealousy…

Regina slid out of the booth and stood. Dr. Whale remained seated, looking up at her and patiently waiting for her answer.

"Well," she said in her most derisive sneer – it was important that Dr. Whale remembered his place, after all. "What are you waiting for?"

Dr. Whale grinned and stood up next to her. Regina led the way out of the diner, studiously avoiding looking at anyone. It was ridiculous to expect that anyone would figure out so soon what she and Dr. Whale had decided to do. For all anyone knew they were just walking out together to take care of some kind of town business. She could change her mind right now and no one would be the wiser. Maybe she _should_ change her mind – the thought of moving on to another lover when the man she loved was just a few feet away from her was almost unbearable.

Just as she made up her mind to turn around and tell Dr. Whale it wasn't going to happen, she saw Marian reach up to run her hand through Robin's hair. He looked over at his wife and smiled, and that smile was like an icy dagger right into Regina's gut. She forced herself to keep walking past their table, spine straight. She was almost at the door now – escape was in sight.

She was almost sure she was imagining it, but she could _feel_ Robin looking at her. She refused to look back to see if he was. She did, however, know that Dr. Whale was behind her. And, as they stepped out of the diner, he put his hand on her lower back to guide her out.

And at that moment, Regina _hoped_ that Robin was watching…


	4. Chapter 4

Mary Margaret knocked one more time on the door of Prince Thomas and Cinderella's apartment, frowning in confusion when no one answered the door. Ruby pointed out to her this morning that she hadn't seen the couple in a while, and Mary Margaret realized that she hadn't either. She stepped backward and peered to look in the window, but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. She hesitated a second more, then walked away. She was sure they were fine… Why wouldn't they be?

* * *

><p>Regina walked over to her couch, handing one of the coffee cups she was holding to Dr. Whale as she sat down next to him. He smiled at her and spread his arm out on the back of the couch behind her. It was comforting – odd, but comforting – so she settled back against him. Now that it was morning, the decision she had made at the diner the night before seemed a little foolhardy, but there was really no going back now. Robin and everyone else had seen them go out together. Dr. Whale had stayed at her house overnight. Clearly, everyone would think they were together now.<p>

They would be _wrong,_ but that's what they would think.

Regina still felt a little bit embarrassed about stopping things before they went too far last night. She had agreed to it, after all, but Dr. Whale was gracious when she said she wasn't ready to be with him quite yet.

Even though they hadn't truly started a physically romantic relationship, she and the doctor had crossed over into some kind of relationship. She was comfortable and relaxed around him, in part because he knew her secret, but more so because he had shown a side of himself to her that she knew few people saw. No matter what happened, she would always be grateful to him that, when he had realized the truth about her memory, he had offered to help her instead of holding it over her head. It was almost enough to make her wish she could truly forget about Robin and actually take what Dr. Whale was offering.

Almost enough.

* * *

><p>Robin sat, staring into the fire pit, absentmindedly playing with his coffee cup. Over and over, his mind replayed the moment that Regina walked out of the diner with Dr. Whale. His jaw clenched when he remembered the doctor's hand going up to rest on Regina's back. How dare that slimeball touch <em>his…<em>

His nothing. Regina wasn't his. She didn't even remember that they had once been together.

Marian sat down next to him, tearing him away from his thoughts and sparking a horrible guilt deep inside his heart. He shouldn't even be thinking about this. He had Marian back…

He avoided looking at his wife. He was afraid she would be able to see everything in his eyes.

"What's wrong, Robin?"

He should have known better than to try to keep it from her. She always knew when he was troubled. He used to love that about her, but now he wished she wasn't able to read him so well. He didn't want to lie to her, but he didn't want to hurt her either. He knew he had to tell her the truth…but how?

"Marian, I…I have to tell you something."

She reached out to cover his hand with her own, and a lump formed in Robin's throat. He couldn't believe how hard this was, until a realization washed over him: it wasn't hard because he was going to tell her that he had been falling in love with someone else…it was hard because he was going to tell her that he was _still in love_ with someone else. He couldn't deny it to himself anymore. It wouldn't change anything, of course. Marian was still his wife. Regina had still taken the memory potion. But…maybe things would be a little easier if it was all out in the open between him and Marian.

"The person I was with before you came back…I can't just shut off the feelings I have for her. I've tried, but….I can't."

After a moment, Robin finally risked looking up at Marian to see her reaction. She was avoiding his eyes, but he could see the pain on her face. He felt lower than he had ever felt before, already questioning whether he had made the right choice. The silence was becoming unbearable, but he bit his tongue to avoid rambling.

Finally: "I understand. It hurts, but I understand. I mean, you thought I was dead. I wish you felt like you could have told me earlier. I've been racking my brain to try to figure out why things were so awkward between us…"

Robin winced and looked down in shame. Of course, she had to be understanding and forgiving – frankly, he would never have expected anything less from her. But he really wished she wasn't. It would have been easier if she raged and cried. It would be easier if she hated him as much as he hated himself. And, with his next words, he knew that would be the case.

"It was Regina." She gasped and drew her hand away from his. Now he couldn't help himself from rambling. He had to explain it somehow, even though he knew she could never forgive him for falling in love with the woman who had once killed her. "I didn't know it was her who had… Obviously, I didn't know. Otherwise I would never… I…She's different. She's not who she used to be. Storybrooke and Henry changed her. And it doesn't mean that I don't love you. Of course, I love you. I just…I…"

She stood and he stopped talking. "Give me some time alone, please," she said, walking away. Robin set his coffee cup down on the ground in front of him and put his face in his hands. He took a deep breath and let it out. He thought getting it off his chest would make him feel better, but he just felt worse.

Especially since if he was being honest with himself, he would have to admit that he was more upset about Regina and Dr. Whale than he was about hurting Marian…

* * *

><p>Robin had left for a walk to clear his head, but it was just serving to make him more upset. The townspeople's whispers as he walked past them were not quiet enough and with every hushed mention of Dr. Whale's name, the pain and guilt quickly changed to anger.<p>

He knew it was unfair to be angry with Regina. She didn't remember their relationship, and she had every right to see who she wanted to see – it's not like he wasn't with someone else. He knew all of that, but it didn't change the fact that he _was_ angry with her. It still felt like she was cheating on him. Robin finally had to admit to himself that he had been hoping that, even without her memories, Regina's heart would somehow still belong to him. It was dreadfully unfair of him to want it all, to want Regina to still be his when he could offer her nothing. But he couldn't help how he felt – and he was angry that she would be with someone else so soon after the end of their relationship…even if she didn't remember it.

Stronger than his anger at Regina was his anger at Whale. Objectively, Regina could not actually be blamed, even if his heart still did blame her. But Whale _knew _better!

With no input from his brain, Robin's feet had led him to Regina's street, and now he was just a few houses away from hers. The temptation to go to her was so strong it left an ache deep in his stomach, and it was his honor alone that kept him from giving in to it.

At that moment, her front door opened, and a spark of fear went through him that he would have to interact with her. But it wasn't Regina that walked out of the house…

Robin's anger exploded white-hot behind his eyes. He covered the distance between them in long, quick strides. He took a perverse pleasure in seeing the flash of fear cross Whale's face before it was hidden by the doctor's usual cocky façade.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Robin was almost a little shocked to hear the venom dripping out of his mouth, and he wondered when exactly he had lost the tenuous control he had over himself.

Whale smirked. The man clearly had a death wish. "It depends on who you ask, I'm sure."

Robin clenched his fists to keep from grabbing Whale by the throat and squeezing the smirk off his face. "What do you think you're doing, Whale?"

The smirk faded from Whale's face, as it appeared he was no longer amused by Robin's behavior. "I could ask you the same thing, Robin."

"She doesn't remember anything, Whale. What are you doing with her? You're taking advantage of her! She -"

"She is of no concern of yours, Robin," Whale interrupted in an icy, monotone voice. "And clearly you don't know her as well as you think you do if you imagine any man could take advantage of her."

"Of _course _she is my concern! I -"

"No, Robin," Whale said firmly, a look of almost-pity settling upon his face, and the uncharacteristic gravity that had entered his voice was enough to stop Robin from saying what he really should not have been saying anyway. "She's really not. Why don't you go home to your wife?

Robin wanted to punch him. He wanted to throttle him until all the thoughts of Whale and Regina together were no longer racing around in his head. He wanted to hurt Whale, as if it was his fault that what he said was the truth.

But instead, he visibly deflated, acknowledging that it _was _the truth. He could be as angry as he wanted but nothing would change that fact.

"Just…just…don't hurt her," Robin said softly, before turning on his heel and walking away. He refused to look back over his shoulder, but if he had, he would have seen Regina watching him from her front window.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Emma rushed toward the door, concerned by the incessant pounding. As she opened the door, she had to step back quickly to avoid being run over by Leroy, who entered the apartment with an air of fear around him.

"Leroy, what's wrong?" Emma turned to face him, taking a moment to wonder when they'd be able to go more than a couple days without something being wrong.

"It's Happy. He's missing!"

Emma crossed her arms. "Are you sure?" Even as she asked that, she searched her memory for the last time she had seen Happy. It _had_ to be just the other day… Right…?

"We've looked everywhere. He's gone."

* * *

><p>Regina walked slowly through the woods, no destination in mind. She just had to get out of town and be by herself for a while. It was slightly too warm out, but the trees blocked the sun from beating down on her. If she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine that she was back in the Enchanted Forest. For the first time in a long time, Regina let herself wonder what would have happened if she hadn't cursed them all. Would it have been better if she had failed? If she had let herself forgive Snow before all of this happened? If she had, then she wouldn't be hated by everyone. She wouldn't have the guilt constantly hanging over her. On the other hand, she wouldn't have had Henry in her life.<p>

Would she have ever known Robin?

"Regina?"

Lost in her thoughts, she hadn't even realized that she was no longer alone. Shock and a little bit of fear went through her, and she had to fight the urge to run away. She was nowhere _near_ his camp; what was he doing here? The urge to run to him and kiss him was so strong, and she didn't know if she had the strength to lie to his face again.

Finally taking the risk to look up at him, she was struck by the look of utter longing that ghosted across his face for a moment before an emotionless mask replaced it. She glanced down again quickly, trying to hide the fact that her heart was fluttering in response. Regina could feel her cheeks burning, and she could only hope that he would attribute that to the warm weather.

"Good afternoon, Robin," she finally said in her iciest tone, intending to take her leave of him as soon as possible. Was it some kind of cruel karmic revenge that she couldn't even have a moment's peace?

"What…what are you doing out here?"

She crossed her arms in a defensive posture – and to prevent her hands from moving toward him of their own volition. "I wanted to take a walk…_alone_."

He half-smiled at the tone of her voice, which simultaneously annoyed her and sparked the desire to smile back at him. Her evil demeanor had never made any kind of impact on him, not even before they were together. He had always been able to simply dismiss her malicious tone and icy glares – and it was as difficult to keep up that façade in his presence now as it had been the very first time they met.

"Well, milady, it will be dark soon, so…" He visibly cringed after saying milady – as if somehow saying it was the same as calling her my love. She glanced away from him, unsettled.

"Thank you, but I am well aware of what time it is." Adopting a nasty tone for that statement was easy; she didn't need him to worry about her safety, and wouldn't have needed it even if they were still together. Regina grasped onto that indignant feeling and fanned it, hoping that it would give her the strength to get through this conversation. She should have known, however, that Robin's chivalry would have prevailed over her disclaimers, as he now looked even more resolute.

"Good. Then that means you will be heading back into town. I'd be happy to escort you."

Regina didn't want to think too much about the emotions warring in his eyes – on the one hand, he looked annoyed with her, which she had no doubt that he was. She was being unfriendly, and especially because of the potion that had supposedly made her forget about him, she didn't really have a reason to treat him this way. However – and this was undoubtedly her imagination – he looked almost pleased at the prospect of spending time with her. She immediately dismissed that thought. He was being chivalrous. That was _all_ it was.

With a loud, exaggerated sigh, Regina started walking quickly back toward Storybrooke, not even looking back to see if he was following her. Just because he felt honor-bound to walk her back into town, that didn't mean she had to talk to him during that walk. As soon as they got back to the town, she would leave him behind before she said or did anything that she would regret later.

Robin quickly caught up with her and matched his stride to hers. They walked in a tense silence, and Regina refused to look at him. She _felt_ his eyes on her once in a while, which only caused her to walk faster.

"In a hurry to get back to Dr. Whale?" The comment was clearly meant to be a teasing one, but it had a somewhat angry undertone. It was enough to get Regina to stop in her tracks and finally look up at him.

"I'm not sure how that's any of your business."

She kept her eyes trained on his face, searching for jealousy – that was, after all, part of the reason she started this whole fake relationship with Whale in the first place. At the same time, though, she felt guilty – it wasn't fair of her to make Robin feel bad about something he had absolutely no control over. She shouldn't be putting him in this position. If she really loved him, she should be helping him forget about her and stay focused on Marian.

Maybe she didn't really love him. Maybe she couldn't actually love anyone. She certainly didn't _deserve_ love… This whole subterfuge only proved that!

Hot tears sprung to her eyes, and she took a quick step forward, even more anxious to get back to town than she had been before. Not watching where she was going was a bad idea, though, and she realized that a second too late. Her foot landed half on a root, half off it, and her ankle twisted. With a quick yelp, she spread her arms out in an attempt to grab at something before she went all the way down.

She should have known that Robin would have saved her. Her right arm grabbed at his shoulder, while both of his arms went around her. A moment later she was enveloped against his strong chest, breathing in the scent of him. A surge of contentment and safety tore through her, and she closed her eyes tightly, trying to remember every sensation of this moment to keep safely in her memory for years to come. The sharp pain in her ankle faded compared to the fluttering of her heart.

"Are you alright?" The concern in his voice was palpable. She opened her eyes, only to pull back quickly when she realized how very close their faces were. Being in his arms prevented her from putting as much distance between them as she wanted to, but she also couldn't bring herself to extricate herself from his embrace.

"I'm…I'm fine," she said quickly, hoping he would mistake the quiver in her voice as shock from the trip instead of what it actually was: an intense desire to kiss him. Very slowly – almost reluctantly – he pulled back from her, allowing her to stand on her own again. The loss of him was heart-wrenching, and she fought the urge to pretend that her ankle was more injured than it actually was. He would carry her back to town in a heartbeat, if he thought she couldn't walk. Deep down, though, she knew that having him do so would cause more pain to her heart than the pain that walking would cause her ankle. She gritted her teeth, and took a step. Yes, she could make it back on her own. So she started walking again, desperately ignoring the fact that Robin walked carefully beside her, one arm out and ready to grab her the second she faltered. His concern was equally excruciating and exciting.

At least the accident had chased away their conversation about Dr. Whale…

* * *

><p>Robin walked slowly and carefully, not paying any attention to the sounds of the forest around him. His entire focus was on Regina, making sure she was okay. He knew that she was in more pain than she was letting on, but it was probably a good thing that she was walking on her own – in part because he didn't want her to be hurt badly but even more so because he didn't know what he would do if he had her in his arms for any longer than he already had.<p>

At the very least, he now had an excuse to pay a great deal of attention to her. He had a reason to be able to look at her, and he used that reason to his full advantage by drinking in the sight of her. Ever since Marian had come back, he wouldn't allow himself to look for too long at Regina, but now, he was finally able to do so. He felt horribly guilty – he knew he shouldn't be doing this! But it was as if, somehow, alone in the woods together, he could forget about everything else that was keeping them apart and just _be_ with her again for a little while. Even her sarcastic and snide remarks to him felt like declarations of love. He wondered – not for the first time – if somehow her heart remembered what the potion made her brain forget, as she spoke even more cruelly to him than she had when they first met. As if her voice was punishing him for the fact that her heart was broken.

That both of their hearts were broken…

His arms still tingled with the memory of her body in them. When she fell, he had sprung to action, but now that the emergency was over, he could allow himself to think about how …_right_ it felt to have her close to him. She had only been in his arms for a short while, but the sweet scent of her shampoo still lingered behind. When she had looked into his eyes, they had been close enough to kiss and it had taken every ounce of willpower he had to not lean forward and do exactly that. Luckily – or maybe not so luckily – she had pulled away from him before he could do so.

But…he had thought he had seen something in her eyes. A spark of some kind… Like, perhaps, something deep inside of her remembered and knew that she belonged there in his arms. If he didn't know better, he would have sworn that she _did_ remember – that it wasn't just wishful thinking on his part!

On the other hand, it didn't really matter if she remembered or not! It didn't change anything. Marian – his wife – was back, and that was all there was to it. Frankly, he knew he should stop wondering and definitely stop hoping that even a small part of Regina still remembered. She deserved happiness, and if not remembering him allowed her to find that happiness, then that was the least he could do for her. He couldn't offer her anything else.

But _why_ did it have to be Dr. Whale who could offer her something?!

* * *

><p>By the time they made it back to Storybrooke, night had fallen and Regina had to grudgingly admit to herself that it was a good thing that Robin had come across her and forced her to start walking back. Despite protesting otherwise, she had not been paying attention to the time and could have very easily been out in the woods in the dark.<p>

At the moment, she wanted nothing more than to go home, ice her ankle, and soothe her aching heart, but she could see through the windows of Granny's. There was a crowd – and from body language, she could tell something was up.

Then again, it was Storybrooke. Something was always up. She was tempted to still go home and let them handle whatever it was without her for once. But she knew that that was no longer an option. Henry believed in her and, more than that, she still had so much to atone for.

Maybe it would get her mind off Robin at least…

Opening the door to Granny's, Regina purposely ignored the looks that she got for walking through the door with Robin. She wouldn't be surprised if they all thought she was the kind of woman who would steal him away from his wife – which was yet another reason she let everyone think she had taken the memory potion. Regina especially avoided looking at Marian and tried not to cringe when she got up from her seat at the counter to walk over to stand by her husband.

"What's going on?" Regina asked tersely, forcing everyone's attention to the matter at hand and away from any potential gossip about the love triangle that Emma had so stupidly caused.

She listened with a frown to the news that Cinderella, Prince Thomas, and Happy were missing. Mary Margaret, Emma, David, Hook, and the others had met to determine who else might be missing and to speculate why. Worry about the safety of those who were missing tinged the whole conversation, amplified by the fact that it was clear no one had any idea of what the most likely reason was. While a lot happened in Storybrooke, it was usually pretty easy to pinpoint the source of the trouble – partly because, for so long, the source had been Regina. Now, however, they had no idea, and that made it a thousand times worse. Right now, townspeople were shouting out ideas that became increasingly more ridiculous and unlikely.

Marian and Robin stood on the edge of the crowd, letting the leadership roles fall to those who traditionally took charge. Most of the townspeople were looking to Emma, Mary Margaret and David, clearly convinced that their saviors had all the answers this time too. But Regina could tell that the air of confidence the three gave off was just a front: they were as lost as everyone else.

A part of Regina just wanted to yell at everyone to stop talking and tell them to just leave it to her and Rumpelstiltskin. In the long run, it would probably fall to one or both of them anyway. Almost as if he had read her thoughts, Rumpel cleared his throat – causing everyone to fall silent and look at him expectantly.

"You all know that there is a price to magic. And sometimes that price is very, very steep. What you may not be as aware of is this: there is also a balance to magic. The universe has a way of trying to set itself straight when something knocks it off kilter."

That was all he said, but it was clear from the expression on his face and the stiff posture he held that he thought it was all that _needed_ to be said. The townspeople glanced around at each other, trying to read from each other's expressions whether their neighbors understood what they had not. A nagging voice in the back of her mind told Regina that she _did_ know what Rumpel had meant, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to acknowledge it. She certainly didn't want to be the one who _voiced_ it.

A small part of her was secretly thrilled at the thought that he might be right. What would that mean, if he was correct? A bigger part of her, however, was filled with dread at the pain that would be caused if he was right. Finally, she risked glancing at Rumpelstiltskin to confirm that she was interpreting him correctly.

He was looking directly at Marian.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Granny's exploded with people trying to talk over each other about how Rumpelstiltskin must be wrong, and about what they should do if he was right. Regina stayed silent, unsure of what she was feeling about the situation and even more unsure about how her voice would sound if she tried to speak. Of course she didn't want anything to happen to Marian – for Robin and Roland's sake obviously, but also because the other woman had done nothing to deserve Regina feeling that way about her. She knew in the past she would have easily found a way to justify hating Marian and working toward her destruction, but that just wasn't who she was any more. On the other hand, if something _did _happen to Marian that was entirely not Regina's fault…then…

She abruptly shut down that line of thinking. Glancing around to confirm that her silence meant that no one was paying any attention to her, Regina backed away from the clump of townspeople and slipped out the door. Even the bell over the door was drowned out by the buzz of worried voices. A couple of days ago she would never have even imagined this, but right now, the person she wanted to talk to was Dr. Whale. Due to their night of conversation and the fact that he was the only one who knew her secret, he had suddenly become the one person that she could be herself around – and right now, she definitely needed someone to whom she could honestly talk.

Regina made it to the hospital in record time, stalking the halls for her prey. She found him coming out of a patient's room, grabbed his arm, and pulled him into an empty room next door.

"Hello to you too," he said when she finally released him after closing the door. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

She quickly filled him in on what was revealed at the diner, but stopped short of sharing the feelings that raged inside of her. Actually saying them out loud would make her feel a thousand times guiltier. But – and part of her should have already known this – he seemed to already know: "You know, it's only human to feel conflicted about this," he said softly, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

Apparently it took a villain to know a villain... She wondered if someone like David or Mary Margaret would say the same. Would they feel conflicted like this? Or is it something that only would be felt by someone of…dubious honor?

Once again, Whale seemed to read her mind. The hand on her shoulder pulled her toward him, and she found himself in his embrace. Closing her eyes, she breathed in and out slowly. She opened her eyes again, but all she could see was the white of his coat. It was oddly comforting. Who would have ever thought that Whale – the man who had once led a mob against her – would become her friend?

Could he become something more?

Perhaps she should take him up on his original offer. Maybe if they were together, she could eventually move on from Robin … or at least move on enough that it no longer ate at her heart constantly. If she moved on enough, then maybe she would be able to stop having these thoughts about what could happen if Marian was out of the picture. She knew she would never truly love Whale – there was no way that she would be lucky enough to have that kind of love three times in her life. But plenty of couples out there made it work, and true love was rare enough that it couldn't exist for all of those couples. Instead of true love, she and Whale could have companionship and camaraderie against the rest of the world.

Maybe that could be enough…

Before she could talk herself out of it –and before she could acknowledge that part of the reason she was even considering this was that she knew Robin would never look at her the same way again if she was involved with someone like Dr. Whale – Regina pulled back slightly, grabbed the back of his head, and pulled him into a kiss. She put all her mental effort into the kiss, trying desperately to ignore the fact that his taste was wrong, his build was wrong, and the intensity and pace of his kiss was wrong. She pushed all those thoughts out of her mind as she allowed him to push her back toward the patient bed. Within moments, they were both lying on it and his hands were roving over her body. It reminded her of the times she had shared with Graham – she knew that this might physically satisfy her, but that it would never quite reach inside of her heart.

And Regina knew that, no matter what, that wasn't enough for her.

She shoved Whale off of her, sprung to her feet, and straightened her clothes. Throwing out a quick apology, she all but ran from the room.

* * *

><p>Robin and Marian sat in front of the fire in silence, a position eerily reminiscent of when he had told her about his relationship with Regina. Roland was playing nearby, blissfully ignorant of the dangers possibly caused by his mother's return.<p>

Possibly… It wasn't _possibly_. Of course, it was caused by Marian's return. It had to be – when had anything ever gone their way in Storybrooke; it was only natural that this had happened. Robin couldn't help but worry that maybe part of this was his fault – that it was caused by the fact that he had been secretly wishing for some way out of the romantic mess he found himself in.

Marian pulled him out of his thoughts by reaching out and grabbing his hand. The tension sparked by their earlier conversation about Regina was gone now; clearly they had more pressing concerns to worry about now.

She cleared her throat. "Whatever happens, I want you to know how happy I've been being able to see you and Roland again."

Overcome with emotion, Robin pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "It's been like a dream. Even with…everything else, I wouldn't trade having you back for anything."

She smiled softly, sadly. "Well, you don't have to talk like I'm gone already." The words were clearly meant to be a joke, but they were tinged with the sadness of reality.

"We don't know anything yet. We've always beaten the odds before; we'll do it again. I won't let the magic take you away."

"But what if that is the only way _to_ beat the odds? I can't let everyone else be endangered merely for me. You wouldn't do that, so why would you want me to?"

"There's got to be another way."

"I'm not giving up yet. I'm being practical. We may be down to just a short time. I'm not going to waste the time I have with you and Roland trying to stop the inevitable." With that, she stood and walked over to play with the boy.

Robin ran his hands over his face, at a loss of what to do. He was supposed to be a leader, a hero. How could he not save his own wife…_again_? And why, if he was being honest, was a small, horrible part of him wondering if this was perhaps the solution to a dilemma he dared not acknowledge even to himself?

* * *

><p>The next morning found Regina in the mayor's office, ostensibly doing town business while her mind contemplated and discarded potential solutions to the problem of disappearing townspeople. As much as the old Regina would have loved the idea of Marian being out of her way, the new Regina actually wanted to be the one to save her, if anyone could. It was the least she could do for the woman she once killed and for the man she still loved.<p>

Every spell she had ever known or even heard of was considered as an option, but truthfully, she had no idea what to do. Most of the magic she knew was all about cursing people, not about saving them.

Since she was thinking so hard about Marian, Regina at first thought that seeing her walk into the office was merely a figment of her imagination. A split second later, she realized how stupid that thought was. Nervousness fluttered in her stomach. Why on earth was Marian _here_? The woman had blatantly avoided her since her return, despite what Emma had said about Regina not being evil anymore.

Gesturing toward the chair in front of her desk, Regina cleared her throat but didn't actually say anything. She had no idea _what_ to say. Regina forcefully reminded herself that she had supposedly taken a memory potion – whatever the reason was that Marian had come to see her, Regina couldn't say anything that would jeopardize that secret.

"I apologize if you've come for answers about the threat. I know nothing more than what the others know." Regina was proud of herself for sounding so matter-of-fact despite the fact that her heart was pounding and there was a rushing noise in her ears.

Marian waved her hand dismissively. "I have faith that we'll figure out something sooner or later."

Regina smiled tightly. What was it with these hero types and their constant cheerful confidence? Just once, she wished one of them would break down and have a temper tantrum.

"What can I do for you then?"

Marian wouldn't quite meet her eyes, and she sat quietly for a moment – a moment that stretched uncomfortably long for Regina. Finally she spoke. "I know that you and my husband only met a relatively short time ago…"

Regina squirmed in her seat, causing Marian to hesitate and look at her almost suspiciously. A gleam started to glow in the back of Marian's eyes. Regina dropped her own eyes, discomfort growing inside of her from the way that Marian was looking at her. It was like the other woman could see right through her, and Regina had no idea how to act. All of her defenses were stripped bare.

"But I do know that Robin…_respects_ you." Regina winced, then immediately chided herself for not doing a better job of keeping her feelings to herself. She was not reacting the way she should have if Robin truly meant nothing to her, which the memory potion was supposed to have taken care of. "So…if I… I hope that you will be able to help him and Roland."

Regina's head shot up sharply. Marian's tone of voice was too odd, too…_knowing_ when she said that. The two women made eye contact once again, and Regina knew that Marian could tell that she still remembered, still loved. Regina had no idea whether Marian suspected that when she walked into the mayor's office, but apparently Regina's reactions to her had proven it beyond a doubt. Regina wondered if she should verbally acknowledge what they both knew, or if Marian would prefer it to remain unsaid.

"Of course," she was finally able to choke out, but didn't trust her voice to say anything else. She hoped that was enough to convey how much it meant to her that Marian had come here to see her and, more importantly, had basically given Regina her blessing to be with Robin if it came to that.

Marian smiled sadly, then stood and turned to leave. She hesitated then turned to look back. "Knowing that you are here to help my family makes it easier to face whatever is coming."

Marian walked out of the office, leaving Regina to stare dumbly at the top of her desk. The selfish part of her that couldn't help but wonder what would happen if Marian was no longer around – the part that Dr. Whale had called only human – suddenly vanished. She almost…_almost_ felt like she had what it took to be a hero instead because now, more than ever, she wanted to be the one who saved Marian. For Robin and Roland. For Marian. But also for herself. She wanted to be the kind of woman who deserved the gift Marian had given her today – even if by earning it, she made that gift pointless.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Regina slammed through the door of the convent, calling out for the Blue Fairy. The idea had come to her shortly after Marian had left: where better to be taught the light magic that would be necessary to save them all from the latest threat? When she had faced Zelena and the light magic had coursed through her, she had no idea how it was happening and she still had no idea how to control it. Much like she had taught Emma, she needed someone now to teach her.

Mother Superior came into the entryway, a flash of annoyance hidden by the mask of propriety. Regina immediately launched into an explanation of why she was there, trying to both hide and ignore the fear that the fairy wouldn't help her. She knew that she had not earned everyone's trust yet, and providing Regina with even more magic that she could use against others would not be high on a list of good ideas.

Fortunately, Mother Superior immediately agreed, inviting Regina into the convent's library. Both women knew there was not much time…

* * *

><p>For the next couple of days, neither Regina nor Mother Superior told anyone what they were working on. They didn't want to raise any hopes, and Regina still secretly doubted whether she could actually succeed. Perhaps winning that last confrontation with Zelena had been purely luck.<p>

A positive side effect of trying to find a solution to their problem was that Regina was tucked away for most of the day in the convent library – and no one knew she was there. Simultaneously, she could avoid the Charmings and their insipid heroism, Robin and all the feelings that came along with him, and Dr. Whale and the fallout of that ill-considered kiss at the hospital. She could instead devote all her time to learning this new magic.

In many ways, learning it was actually pretty similar to learning dark magic: finding the power inside of her and letting it flow out to do her will. With dark magic, finding that power amplified the hate, jealousy and grief she felt. Light magic, however, was like a soft hum, gently calling out feelings of love, generosity, and hope.

While Mother Superior taught her how to tap into that power, they also searched through the history and magic books in the convent, trying to find mention of a spell that could possibly help them. Unfortunately, all they could find about problems with time travel said what they already knew: that the problem had to be set on the right path, or more disastrous consequences would follow. This enraged Regina – how could light magic advocate sending an innocent to her death? When yet another tome offered nothing new, Regina tossed it aside and asked Mother Superior that exact question, the grief and frustration obvious in her voice.

Mother Superior sat quietly for a long time, a look of intense contemplation on her face. "Light magic doesn't mean that everything can be made perfect. By trying to bend the universe to our will, we'd be doing the exact same thing that practitioners of dark magic do. It doesn't matter that our motives would be coming from a better place. Light magic means that we strive for good and for balance. We try to help each other, rather than hurt each other."

Regina looked down at her hands. She felt so helpless. "Then why can't we help Marian?"

Mother Superior sighed. "Maybe we're not supposed to." The pain in her voice was palpable, and Regina looked up at her to see grief twisting the other woman's face. "Maybe we're supposed to help Cinderella, Prince Thomas, Leroy and everyone else in Storybrooke. Sometimes…well, sometimes heroes have to die for the greater good."

* * *

><p>Regina walked down the streets of Storybrooke, lost in the thoughts that Mother Superior's words had engendered. She was drawn out of herself by the sight of many of the townspeople gathered in the middle of Main Street. She shook her head slightly, thinking not for the first time that it was a good thing this town was not like others in America – many of the residents would have been hit by cars a long time ago…<p>

The brief humor caused by that thought vanished when she got close enough to see the fear and alarm on their faces. Walking up to the crowd, she listened silently – long enough to hear that Geppetto had disappeared – and this time it had not happened when he was alone. Jiminy had actually seen it happen, and he was currently describing the dark cloud that had sucked Geppetto into itself.

Marian screamed, interrupting Jiminy's story, and the whole crowd turned to face the direction she was looking. Regina's heart stopped beating when she saw a dark cloud forming above Roland, who was playing a little ways off with a few children she vaguely recognized from the village closest to her castle. The children had not noticed the cloud, but after Marian screamed, they all froze and looked over at the adults as if they were crazy.

Regina didn't even have to think about it. With all the force she had inside of her, she thrust out her arms and _pulled_. The dark magic fed by fear and the light magic fed by love clashed for one sickening moment, and then surprisingly worked together. Roland flew through the air, slamming into Regina and causing her to stumble backward a few steps. She wrapped her arms protectively around the boy, and crouched over him, closing her eyes and waiting for the dark cloud to take them both. If she couldn't prevent him from being sucked up by it, then she was certainly not going to let him be taken alone.

Everything was silent for a while, while Regina's heart slowly returned to its normal beat. She opened her eyes and lifted her head. The children were still staring at her, and she was relieved to see that the dark cloud seemed to have dissipated. Gingerly standing straight, she loosened her vise-like grip on Roland, who was now sobbing in shock and fear. Guilt that she had made him feel that way tore at her heart, but she knew that she would have made the same choice in a heartbeat, if she had to do it again. Now that the emergency seemed to have passed, Regina instead began to feel a little bit of concern about what the others would think about her actions…she hadn't acted like someone who had no reason to care about Roland…

She turned to face the others, most of whom still looked as shocked by what happened as Roland was. Marian was crying tears of joy and she reached out for the boy, who ran to her and hugged her tightly, causing a pang of longing in Regina's heart. Unable to stop herself, Regina took a risk and looked at Robin, fully expecting him to be focused on his son.

Instead he was staring right at her.

Their eyes met for what felt like an eternity, and she almost felt naked under his gaze. She tore her eyes away, wondering if she had finally given herself away. A part of her knew it was for the best if he continued to believe she no longer remembered their love, but an ever-growing part of her was tired of lying. Despite the fact that there were much more important things to worry about right now, she was both hoping and dreading that this was the moment that the truth would finally come out

Fortunately – or unfortunately – that moment was when everyone started talking at once, basically fighting for who got to be the hero leading the charge. Regina slipped away, not realizing that both Marian and Robin were watching her walk away.

* * *

><p>Shortly after Regina left the crowd, Marian, Robin and Roland did the same. Roland had cried himself to sleep and was now dead weight in Robin's arms. Husband and wife walked in silence, both unsure of what there was left to say. It was only a matter of time before something would have to be done to set the universe right, before horrible decisions would have to be made and devastating goodbyes would have to be said.<p>

Marian finally broke the silence. "I love you, Robin." She held up a hand to stop him from responding, indicating that she had to get out what she wanted to say while she still had the nerve. "And I know you love me too. As I said before, I am beyond grateful that I had this extra time with you and Roland. I know it has been difficult for you…it's been difficult for me too. But I still am grateful. I have to do what must be done, and you know that."

Robin couldn't help the pained, guttural noise that erupted from his throat. He had never felt so helpless. Marian did not even have to prevent him from talking now; he couldn't have spoken even if he wanted to.

"I want you to be happy. What we have is true love…but no one ever said that true love only happens once."

* * *

><p>The next morning, Regina was back at her booth at Granny's, nursing a mug of hot chocolate and finally admitting to herself that perhaps Mother Superior was right that the only solution was to set things back the way they were supposed to be. She knew that she would have to help with the spell, but she was afraid that people would suspect she <em>wanted<em> to perform the spell.

Even more than that, she was afraid that they would be correct.

At that moment, Dr. Whale sat down across from her, pulling her from her thoughts. An unexpected and uncharacteristic blush rose in her cheeks. He smirked at her, but something in his eyes told her he wasn't going to make a big deal about the last time they had seen each other. She relaxed, once again feeling comfortable in his presence in a way she would never have anticipated before all of this.

"So, my queen, I think that our 'relationship' is doomed. We must be destined to be just friends…"

Regina half-smiled, a thousand sarcastic insults jumping to her lips, but she refrained from saying any of them. It was the least she could do for the man who had seen her when no one else had. But there_ was _something she wanted to say – or more specifically, something she wanted to know.

"What _exactly_ was in it for you, anyway?"

Dr. Whale smiled mysteriously. If she hadn't been watching his face for any kind of sign, Regina might have missed the quick glance he sent in Ruby's direction. Regina's half-smile grew to a full one. "Oh, I see. We were making more than one person jealous…"

Dr. Whale winked, stood, and walked away.

* * *

><p>Off to one side, Regina watched Marian say tearful goodbyes to Emma, Henry and the Charmings. They had only known each other for a short time, but the do-gooders were, of course, acting like they were saying goodbye to a life-long friend. Regina fought the urge to roll her eyes, even as she suspected inwardly that her derisive judgment of their behavior was just a way to mask the guilt she felt that she would be the one responsible for Marian's death…again.<p>

When the goodbyes were said, Marian and Robin walked toward Regina and Mother Superior. Robin was gripping Marian's hand tightly. To avoid thinking about that, Regina instead spared a thought for Roland. He was back at the camp with Robin's men, and Regina was grateful that he wouldn't be there to see his mother disappear from Storybrooke. She knew that Robin and Marian had tried to explain to their son that his mother was going away again, but she didn't know how much the boy understood. Nevertheless, her heart ached for him – even more than it ached for Robin or herself.

Taking a deep breath, she finally looked up and met Marian's eyes. She felt once again that the woman was looking right through her. Before she could say anything, though, Marian stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. Regina's arms spread out awkwardly, as she had never felt more caught off-guard. Marian whispered a quick "watch out for them" and released Regina, who stumbled a bit and tried to regain her icy dignity. She cleared her throat and avoided looking at anyone – especially Robin.

Mother Superior started explaining. "This spell will not actually be that difficult. The universe wants to set itself right. It will just need Regina and me to guide it." Mother Superior reached out for Regina's hand. Regina grabbed it as if it was a lifeline, trying to not let anyone see how nervous she was. What if the light magic didn't work? What if it read in her heart that a part of her was just a little bit happy that Marian would be gone? Fortunately, Mother Superior – who was much more experienced in using light magic – would be taking the lead with the spell. Regina was just supporting her.

Regina took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She couldn't bring herself to watch Marian actually disappear.

The warm, comforting surge of light magic spread through Regina to Mother Superior. For a moment, she felt the magic pause, and the guilt and fear of her secret thoughts filled her. The next moment, however, the magic started flowing again, leaving in its wake a feeling of forgiveness and the realization that selfish thoughts are sometimes natural – not necessarily evil. She was glad her eyes were closed, so that the rest couldn't see the relief in her eyes.

Closed eyes, however, couldn't block out the heart-wrenching sob that erupted out of Robin's mouth immediately after the magic reached its peak.

* * *

><p>Two weeks had passed since Marian had been sent to her original fate. Regina had been avoiding Robin since then, and he appeared to be avoiding her in turn. Not that she would blame him if he never wanted to see her again. She was, after all responsible, for him losing his wife not once but twice. Granted, this time, Emma was ultimately responsible, but that didn't change the fact that Regina had been the one to actually do the spell.<p>

Surprisingly, the others in town didn't seem to blame Regina. They were doing that annoying hero thing of acting like sacrifice for the greater good was something that was expected of everyone. Cinderella, her prince, Geppetto and Leroy had even _thanked_ her for helping them return to Storybrooke.

So, ultimately, it seemed like the only people who blamed her were Robin and herself…

At the moment, Regina was standing at her office window, a position that was reminiscent of the day she had pretended to take the memory potion. Someone cleared his throat behind her, and she froze as the déjà vu spread over her. Apparently, Robin had decided to stop avoiding her. Regina steeled herself, preparing to hear the words of blame and hatred that would once and for all put an end to any chance of a relationship between them.

Slowly, Regina turned to face him, surprised and confused to see that, instead of vitriol in his eyes, she saw a tenderness that she never thought she would see again. It was her turn to clear her throat nervously and break the eye contact.

"You remember, don't you?"

Regina reeled back in shock. Of everything he might have said, this was not what she would have guessed it would be. She said nothing for a moment, unwilling to keep lying but afraid to tell the truth.

"I never forgot."

Robin chuckled wearily. "You have no idea how hard all of this has been for me."

Regina winced but said nothing. Robin stared at her intently for a moment, an unreadable intensity in his eyes.

"Why have you been avoiding me these last few weeks?"

Regina's brow furrowed in confusion. "You've been avoiding me too. I figured it was what you wanted. I certainly wouldn't want to see me, if I were you."

Robin shook his head. "I don't blame you…for anything. I love you."

Regina took a step backward, even though there was already plenty of distance between them. "That is no longer an option, Robin."

Robin took several steps toward her, but the wall behind Regina prevented her from backing up any more. "Why not?"

"Maybe you don't blame me, but I blame myself."

"You did what was necessary…You saved the town; you saved Roland."

A fear that Regina hadn't even realized was weighing on her burst out of her lips: "How can you love me anymore? I will always be a reminder of what you've lost."

Robin smiled softly and closed the distance remaining between them. He allowed himself the luxury of looking completely at her, something he hadn't been able to do for so long. Reaching up, he brushed a lock of hair behind Regina's ear, then kept his hand cupping her face. He moved his thumb slowly back and forth across her cheekbone. His heart skipped a beat when Regina's breath caught in her throat, and his eyes focused on her lips.

"A very wise person told me that true love doesn't mean only love," Robin whispered, his lips moving closer and closer to hers. "And for that I'm grateful. You may not be my first true love, and I am not your first true love, but we do still have true love. I still love you. I will always love you. Marian did what she did because she loved me and Roland. You're not a reminder of what I've lost. You're a reminder of the fact that I am loved…truly loved…by two amazing women."

With that, Robin leaned forward and kissed her. And it was even better than she remembered.

**The End**


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